Chapter 3 :
love
The greatest of all, the fruit of a great single life
Part Four
The importance of relating this to the single life is we begin to be able to quench the desire (or, often, obsession) to love romantically. Our thirst for love is satisfied in God. Ever heard someone say ‘I just want to love somebody’? I’ve used that myself. Sometimes it’s not so much that we want to be loved, but that we actually want to love someone else. Singles might feel like they miss out on this opportunity to love someone intimately. But we can’t be further from the truth. The kind of love God is asking us to express in our lives is better than the romantic love we want to give and be a part of.
This may seem like not much of an encouragement, because if we are desiring romantic love then a ‘better love’ is still not what we are wanting – so it might not matter to us which love is ‘better’ or ‘higher’ or ‘lower’ – all we want is some romance! The thing with this is that unless we love God’s way – that is, through the higher way – we actually are missing out on a much more fulfilling romantic love. What I mean is that we can love with abandonment when we love with the Spirit – which would make any romantic love (that God brings to us) increasingly more romantic.
We don’t love to get, we love to give. And we love by taking greater risks for the other person. Way more romantic, if you ask me. The guy is happy to battle the dragons and climb the tower for the girl if he knows and understands God’s love. If he only knows and understands romantic love, he might still climb the tower and battle the dragon – but his motive is not to love her, his motive is for romance (with her). There’s certainly a difference! If she does not fulfill all his needs, he might just go and battle another dragon instead for another lady. When God’s love fuels and fills our hearts, our motives are entirely clear and full of love – selfishness has gone out the window and we love with abandonment, faithfulness and complete security in God! The keyword for such love is unconditional, and this sort of love is the difference between the way God loves and the way the world loves.
But even if God does not desire to bring romance into our lives we find that the ‘higher’ way of loving is actually more fulfilling – because we find joy and peace in God. We actually don’t need romance. Like I said earlier, it may be part of the adventure, or it may not. The truth is that it is not the adventure itself. God is the adventure; romance might or might not be part of this adventure He takes us on. We must trust Him that He truly knows what will bring us real joy.
1 Comment
June 24, 2009 at 11:06 pm
“Our thirst for love is satisfied in God…Singles might feel like they miss out on this opportunity to love someone intimately. But we can’t be further from the truth. The kind of love God is asking us to express in our lives is better than the romantic love we want to give and be a part of…The thing with this is that unless we love God’s way – that is, through the higher way – we actually are missing out on a much more fulfilling romantic love.”
Again, Ryan, you are bombing us with bromides. There’s a lot I could say about this kind of “God’s love is all you need” message to singles, but I think it is better expressed in a pastor’s wife’s review of Debbie Maken’s groundbreaking book “Getting Serious about Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness”:
“I never felt such compassion for single women as when I first read those words. Maken is brutally honest in Chapter Eight of Getting Serious About Getting Married. She makes it perfectly clear that not only did she mourn the loss she felt at remaining husbandless throughout her twenties, she did so alone. Why alone? Because the church’s teachings on singleness heaped a good deal of guilt on her for being discontent. Jesus is all you need, they told her. A husband cannot meet all your needs. Only God can fulfill you.
We speak these words in our Newlyweds Ministry quite often. And though there is a ring of truth in it, there is also a lie in it when the words are spoken to singles. Though a relationship with God can be and should be very fulfilling, a relationship with God was never intended to meet the need for a husband.
I’ll say it again: Though Jesus is depicted in Scripture as the bridegroom of the Church, I do not think we should take it to mean that He is the bridegroom of any individual person.”