I’ve started this blog to create a central space for those who are interested in the subject of singleness, and the book single which I’ve written. Hopefully, this blog can be a valuable resource to those who are interested in this subject. Each day a section of my book is uploaded to the blog, until the entire book is here on this blog.
Added to that, I was sick of the whole dating thing in the church. I had to live out my relationships with the opposite sex according to rules that hindered me from having a proper relationship with them. The book talks about the dating thing as well, and instead of giving dating the ‘YES’ or ‘NO’ stamp I’ve tried to give it – what I believe is – a different direction. It’s about falling in love, and every situation and relationship is different. God doesn’t give us the formula for finding a spouse in his Word – instead he commands we walk with him in all our relationships. There is no formula . And this truth goes to other areas of life as well. God wants relationship, not formula.
So, single isn’t about the ten points about dating or not dating, or the ten points about the ’secret’ of finding contentment. It’s rather an encouragement to go for gold – to really, truly, find God in this season of your life. And really, truly, enjoy it when you fall in love.
And that’s pretty much it, I guess. I’ve also chatted about finding God’s will in this book, and also the sex issue for singles (which I’ve tried my best to cover!) Hope you enjoy the book.
The paperback is available for R95.97 (about $10) at Crink.co.za You can download a free PDF of the first chapter of the book here!
4 Comments
June 23, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Suggesting to an involuntarily single person that “God may be calling you to singleness/celibacy” is abusive. Spiritually abusive. Don’t do it. Just encourage them to keep looking for as along as they desire a spouse.
June 24, 2009 at 11:45 am
I don’t think it’s abusive at all. We have to face the question of whether He is or isn’t for ourselves, knowing that celibacy is an option.
I’m not going to suggest that people “keep looking” as that means a lot of different things to different people. Some may mean that means we should date as many people as we possibly can, which is not good either (neither is sitting around doing nothing).
June 24, 2009 at 10:30 pm
“We have to face the question of whether He is or isn’t for ourselves”
What on earth is this supposed to mean? Again, it sounds as if you are pitting the desire for a spouse against the desire to please God. Do you think that if someone wants to be married, that they could be sinning if they keep looking for a spouse, as if they are going against “God’s will” for them to stay single? God does not “tell” anyone to stay single, the scriptures offer it up as a choice to those who want stay single for the sake of the kingdom (Matthew 19:11-12). 1 Cor 7:28 also affirms that if you marry, you have not sinned.
There are numerous young believers who for various reasons struggle with attracting the opposite sex. One of the cruelest things you can do to someone who hasn’t succeeded in finding a spouse is to suggest that perhaps it’s “God’s will” that they be single or celibate. Or worse yet, that perhaps God has given them the “gift of singleness” or “the gift of celibacy”. If you don’t believe me that this is spiritual abuse and that it leaves lasting effects, just take a look at some of the blogs and discussion boards for Christian singles.
“Some may mean that means we should date as many people as we possibly can, which is not good either”
What scriptural support do you have for this?
June 26, 2009 at 8:13 am
You’re jumping to conclusions.
“We have to face the question” and “God MAY be calling you to singleness” is all about facing the QUESTIONS as to whether He is or isn’t and coming to a CONTENTMENT that if He IS that’s honestly OK from an emotional and even sexual perspective. That’s not spiritually abusive, that’s facing the reality that God is the true answer to our happiness and joy.
This is all about contentment, not making a call on whether someone is called to be single or not. I faced this question myself and found contentment when I came to the place where I said that that would be okay. I found myself more free and able to relate to the opposite sex much easier.
God wants relationship, not formula. That’s evident by the narrative aspect of the Scriptures and life. We are instructed to walk by the Spirit, not formulas.
“Some may mean that means we should date as many people as we possibly can, which is not good either”
What scriptural support do you have for this?
You won’t find scriptural support for dating. I also said, in the quote you’ve made above, that “We shouldn’t sit around either” which you’ve politely not addressed. I don’t know where you’re going with this. I’m drawing a conclusion from being content in God and making the Kingdom the main focus, not finding a spouse the main focus. Why must we spend so much time finding someone ‘compatible?’ which is what dating is? Where did we get that idea? Certainly not from the Bible.
My primary focus is relationship with God over the issue, and drawing people closer to God so they can find out what THEY should do in THEIR context and relationships. Dating around does not work, and neither does sitting around waiting for God to strike us with lightning and write someone’s name in the sky. So what DO we do?